"So Let the Wives Be Subject to Their Own Husbands in Every Thing"

(Ephesians 5:23-24) For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the Head of the church: and [H]e is the Saviour of the body. (24) Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.


This study is an adaptation of an e-mail correspondence regarding Ephesians 5:23-24. The question I received and the answer I gave are here presented in the hopes that our understanding will be furthered with respect to the reciprocal submission expected between a man and his wife.

The author entreats that his commentary hold no element in one's determination of the truth. As with all humanity, my sin, too, leaves me short of the glory of God. I conclude myself as Job, "Behold, I am vile". A fallen creature can hardly aspire to understand in totality, interpret with precision, and completely communicate the immeasurable breadth, length, depth, and height of the blessed Creator's word. Attainment of the purest Bible knowledge, understanding, and wisdom a human can hope for is solely by ever diligently seeking after God, not through the writings and commentaries and expositions of mortals, but through His only begotten Son Jesus, Whose "name is called The Word of God."

My writings are imperfect, wholly inept, needless. Yet should it please the Holy Spirit to even faintly enlighten one through my humble efforts in His word of truth, then all credit and thanks must be directed and given to our Father in the heavens as I know and can know nothing apart from Him.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is from the King James Version (KJV).

Notes are indicated by braced, asterisked numbers, e.g., {*1}, {*2}, {*3}, etc.

May each of us benefit from this correspondence.

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"I was reading out of a bible that [a friend] gave me, and I became very upset. There were so many things in there that made me so incredibly angry that I was crying. . . .
"[One] thing that bothered me was... '...for a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.' Yeah right! I'll love [my husband], I'll respect him, and I won't dominate, but there is no way that anyone is ruling me. I have more self respect for my self than to let someone control me. By the way I found this in Ephesians 5:23-24.
"Am I being bullheaded? Am I reading [this] wrong? Or is this really what God wants? I need insight . . ."

You've asked a very good question here, and I've learned quite a bit from the research. My reply is rather long, so it may be best to print this out in order to review it at your own leisure. I do hope that this will be somewhat of a help to your inquiry.

Two immediate aids in the understanding of Ephesians 5:23-24 are (1) know to whom the book of Ephesians is written, and (2) always read passages of Scripture within their proper context.

Ephesians is written:

(Ephesians 1:-1-,-1) to the saints . . . and to the faithful in Christ Jesus:

The proper context, or entire thought, of Ephesians 5:23-24 is Ephesians 4:17-6:9.

Thus, non-Christians and/or those who unwittingly read Ephesians 5:23-24 out of context are likely to have a difficult time in understanding the submission of a wife to her husband. The subject can become rather deep, so I'll try to keep it as simple as possible. Let's begin with Ephesians 5:18 using "The Interlinear Bible":{*1}

(Ephesians 5:18-) And do not be drunk with wine,

Why not? Well, when under the influence, what does it lead to?

(Ephesians 5:-18-) in which is debauchery,

The Greek word translated as "debauchery" is "asotia." "Asotia" means "a dissolute, debauched, profligate manner of living;"{*2} i.e. lacking restraint in sensuality. (Looking these words up in a good dictionary will clarify your understanding of "asotia.") This isn't necessarily saying that alcohol is evil; in fact, see 1Timothy 5:23. Simply don't overdo it.

What are we to do instead of participating in "asotia"?

(Ephesians 5:-18) but be filled by the Spirit,

Why? Well, when under the influence of the Holy Spirit, what does it lead to? (Let's switch back to the KJV for the next few verses:)

(Ephesians 5:19-21) Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; (20) Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; (21) Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Notice a five-fold (5 = "grace" or "God's goodness" in Biblical numerology{*3}) effect of being under the influence of the Spirit of God: "speaking," "singing," "making," "giving," and "submitting." Your key to understanding the wife's submission in vv.22-24 is knowing that vv.18-21 are not addressing womankind alone; submitting yourselves ONE TO ANOTHER (v.21) is a mutual and reciprocal process. How we as Christians, namely husbands and wives, are to submit to each other is drawn out in the following verses. Ladies first:

(Ephesians 5:22-) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,

How?

(Ephesians 5:-22) as unto the Lord.

Do you see? A woman non-submissive to the Lord is not going to understand the aspect of submitting to her own husband. Likewise, any man not learned in the love that Christ has for the Church is not going to understand the aspect of HIS, the husband's, submission to his own wife (v.25).

Why should the wife submit?

(Ephesians 5:23-) For the husband is the head of the wife,

Why? Well, one of the more obvious reasons, in my opinion, is the simple nature of the genders. For example, let's say that a husband and wife are in bed and begin to hear noises which lead them into believing that their home is being burglarized. Who, much more often than not, is going to be the one to investigate? Naturally, the husband is. For he is the "protector"; in a sense, the "savior" of his wife and children. Hence:

(Ephesians 5:-23) even as Christ is the Head of the church: and [H]e is the Saviour of the body.

1Peter 3:7 seems to draw this out in a somewhat similar fashion:

(1Peter 3:7) Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, AS UNTO THE WEAKER VESSEL, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (Emphasis mine.)

Are women weaker in moral stamina, strength of character, or mental capacity? Of course not. They are, for the most part, in sheer physical strength though. But this is nothing for the boys to gloat over; it's the natural order of things. Even within the animal kingdom, the dominate gender is often the male. There is nothing chauvinistic about the natural differences between masculine and feminine.

I really like the following two translations of 1Peter 3:7. Here it is according to "The Bible: James Moffatt Translation":

(1Peter 3:7) In the same way you husbands must be considerate in living with your wives, since they are the weaker sex; you must honour them as heirs equally with yourselves of the grace of Life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.{*4}

I hope you caught that. Husbands "must be considerate" and "must honour" their wives. (Are you beginning to sense the mutual, two-way street of submission?)

1Peter 3:7 according to the "Holy Bible from the Ancient Eastern Text" reads:

(1Peter 3:7) Likewise, you husbands, live with your wives with understanding, and hold them with tenderness like delicate vessels, because they also will inherit with you the gift of everlasting life; do this that you may not be hindered in your prayers.{*5}

I think that's beautiful!

We'll use "The Bible: James Moffatt Translation"{*6} for the remaining verses:

(Ephesians 5:24-) as the church is subject to Christ,

If a woman does not understand the submission of the Church to Christ, she's going to have a pretty difficult time with what follows:

(Ephesians 5:-24) so wives are to be subject to their husbands in every respect.

Your response to this was:

"Yeah right! I'll love [my husband], I'll respect him, and I won't dominate, but there is no way that anyone is ruling me. I have more self respect for my self than to let someone control me."

The tone of voice leads me to believe when you first read Ephesians 5:23-24 you immediately concluded that all wives are to submit to their husband's every beck and call without question, even if the husband is an overbearing control freak. If this is how you interpreted it, you must remember to whom Ephesians is written. It is written to the saints and to the faithful in Christ Jesus.

Would a husband who is "faithful in Christ Jesus" attempt to or even wish to domineeringly lord over his wife? God forbid! A true Christian husband would be considerate in living with his wife. He would honor her. He would hold her with tenderness like a delicate vessel. Moreover:

(Ephesians 5:25-) Husbands, love your wives,

How?

(Ephesians 5:-25-) as Christ loved the church

How did Jesus Christ show His love for the Church? Well, let's take a look at Matthew 20:28 (cf. Mark 10:45). I really do hope you'll be able to pick up on this, for it speaks far beyond any words I can type:

(Matthew 20:28-) just as the Son of man has not come to be served but to serve,

Deeply, deeply consider that. How, then, may we phrase the attitude of love that a husband is to have for and express toward his wife?

"The husband has not married his wife in order to be served by her, but in order to serve HER!"

Wow! Could it actually mean that? I emphatically say, "Yes!" And my oh my, wouldn't this be the type of husband that any wife would want to wholly submit to in every respect? His servitude out of love for her would naturally reciprocate her submission. Wouldn't it?

Truly. Truly indeed. Marriage is a wonderful, wonderful thing when each submits to the other as they ought.

How else was Christ's love expressed for the Church?

(Matthew 20:-28) and to give his life as a ransom for many."

(Ephesians 5:-25) and gave himself up for her,

To quote a study note from "The NIV Study Bible":

"To give oneself up to death for the beloved is a more extreme expression of devotion than the wife is called on to make."{*7}

There's a fair amount of merit in that. Just think of the often-voiced cry in times of grave danger or trouble:

"Women and children first!"

Again, if your husband loves and treats you in the very manner he ought, I honestly cannot help but think that your submission to him would come naturally out of arrant honor, esteem, admiration, thanks, and love.

There's so much more I could go into, but I'll end it here in the hopes that the point has been pretty well made clear. Mutual submission and servitude between a husband and wife in the Lord is a surefire way to a lasting, love-filled marriage. Hands down. No doubt about it.


Notes:

{*1} Jay P. Green, Sr., ed. and trans., "The Interlinear Bible," One Volume Edition, 2nd ed. (Lafayette, Indiana: Sovereign Grace Publishers, 1986), p.909.

{*2} Richard Chenevix Trench, "Synonyms of the New Testament," 9th ed. (Grand Rapids, Michigan: WM. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1973), p.55.

{*3} Among others, see Dr. Ed F. Vallowe, "Biblical Mathematics" (Columbia, South Carolina: The Olive Press, 1998), pp.66-73.

{*4} James A. R. Moffatt, "The Bible: James Moffatt Translation" (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Kregel Publications, 1994), p.294 (of the New Testament).

{*5} George M. Lamsa, "Holy Bible from the Ancient Eastern Text" (New York, New York: HarperSanFrancisco, no date), p.1213.

{*6} "The Bible: James Moffatt Translation," pp.245 and 27 (of the New Testament).

{*7} Kenneth Barker et al., eds., "The NIV Study Bible," 10th Anniversary Edition (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1995), p.1800.

Copyright © 2000 by Thomas John Dexter. All rights reserved. The matter of this work may be reproduced for distribution, but it is not to be sold. The matter of this work (with the exception of any Scripture or quote) is the sole production of the copyright proprietor and is subject to change as he grows in knowledge and wisdom concerning the Word of God.